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The Art of Being a Monster: Kaiju


The earth beneath their feet shall be their graves. From the deep, dark waters you will rise to take your true place in the world. Even the oldest and greatest of those before you are but children who have grown insolent and fat in your absence. Take what you wish. Shape the world to your whims.

Of those who manage to keep their sanity and their wits against your assaults, few will pose any significant threat. It is only the plucky, self-styled heroes that can hope for a chance against you. Your massive size and mountain-shattering attacks will make short work of anything levied against you in battle. It is only by exploiting your mistakes and astounding amounts of luck that your opponents could hope to gain the upper hand; because they are so numerous, it becomes a ‘when’, not an ‘if’, such unlikely things will occur. Attack them in their only advantage, numbers. Kill and destroy as many opponents as you can as quickly as possible with every means at your disposal. Select and sculpt the terrain such that tiny enemies cannot surround and evade you. In the unlikely event the tide should turn, it will come at a very steep cost, and one you can easily retreat from. Biding your time will quickly heal your wounds but mortal creatures of the land will not find their weapons, lives, and machines so easily replaced. In this way, you emulate the tides and the sea, the only body more powerful than you.

F: Even the best sword-arm is but a shield-trembling knave compared to your might. Waste no time with them. They can probably withstand a few blows but will really struggle to harm you. Move around them or knock them away, they want to keep you from attacking their even more pitiful allies.

T: Thieves are spindly little organ stabbers. Grab and eat them. Inside your stomach, sure they can cut up your stomach, but only for a short time before you consume them. Left free to run around, they tend to do annoying things like climb onto you and attack your more sensitive organs. If you can keep moving and use sweeping attacks to keep them at a distance, they can be safely ignored.

R: Rangers, with their slings and arrows, will focus their attacks on your vulnerable points from a safe distance. Destroy the terrain and allies they hide behind and force them to stay on the run. When you get them within reach, devour them. See how their bows work while they drown in your stomach acid. If they cannot be reached easily or other targets present themselves, keep your back to their attacks and shield yourself from their projectiles.

W: Haughty meat bags that think their sparks of arcana can compete with your might, wizards will die a quick death. Their spells and abilities can hit far outside their weight class if left unopposed. All it will take is to move past their allies and deliver a single attack. This should disintegrate these paper tigers well before they become a threat.

A Kraken’s Limitless Form

Nothing will stand against even your smallest desire. It is only your own failures that can lead to your failure, either a hasty retreat to the depths or as a sunbleached carcass. Heed the thrumming, deep call of the words below. You know them by instinct, it is your own wisdom that cascades through time, echoing your meticulous dream-plans over the aeons. Your enemies will bring every weapon and weaseling word to fight you off. They will not succeed.

  • I will not stray far from the sea, my strength and my home.
  • My lair will be in the deepest, darkest, and most dangerous black pit I can find in the ocean.

  • Taking advantage of sea-borne dangers like shoals, reefs, cliffs, maritime predators, and sea monsters will be an active pursuit.
  • Since it will be entirely unexpected for a sea-creature to fly, I will ensure that I have a reliable method of flight.
  • I will not leave any battlefield untouched by my wrath. I will shift terrain and weather to work in my favor.
  • Cities that fear total destruction will fight like cornered rats. I will allow cities to appease me with worship, valuables, and tribute. My collection efforts and presence will be hard to verify. My dominance will be disguised and as unobtrusive as possible.
  • I will not repeatedly use the same tactics and strategies to conquer cities and crush my foes. My timing, targets, and ability usage will vary.

  • Getting effective minions that compliment my strengths will be a high priority. Flying minions, tiny minions, and diplomatic minions all have their niche uses.
  • Mortals have a short lifespan. Their constant innovation and invention is dizzying but I will keep a close eye on their capabilities.
  • I will keep my form as malleable as the sea I come from. Shapeshifting magic will let me surprise my enemies.
  • Other forces targeting my subjects will be destroyed. This removes a threat to my power and reduces rebellious sentiment.
  • Knowledge is power. I will act with unpredictable motives and ensure that rumors about me are incomprehensible and contradictory.
  • There will be no treasures hidden in or lost to the sea that I do not know about. Those items with power over the sea will be retrieved or destroyed.
  • I will never be unwilling to retreat from any battle that has turned against me.
  • My plans will always include an exit strategy. Teleportation and such abilities are powerful tools to keep on hand.

  • Other Kaiju and those creatures that can almost match my strength will be avoided where possible. If unavoidable, they will either be befriended or utterly destroyed.
  • When I must retreat, I will ensure that I can leave strong evidence of my death to dissuade my enemies from searching me out. Have a measure to fake your own death. Leaving behind a few limbs is good evidence.
  • I will make an honest assessment of the weakest points on my body. I will acquire magical and physical protections for those points, but this will not be use to foolishly assume they are fully protected.
  • I will never devour a creature or thing without knowing what it is. Detection magic will be very useful in this regard.
  • Highly mobile enemies, especially those that can fly will be a constant nuisance. I will have minions, magic, and learned attacks that will help me pick off those enemies.

Wade through the blood of the land, and bring the world to its knees. Wipe away the flies and ants that bite at your feet. You are the dominant force of the world.

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